There is a very fine line between being lazy and being a genius…
…(was Edison lazy for not wanting to have to light a match and light a lamp? Or was he a genius for inventing the lightbulb?)
In a world where we are too often told what to think, it’s wise to reframe how we look at those around us.
And for that matter, it’s even more important to reframe and reconsider the perspectives we’ve adopted about ourselves.
Imagine how different your relationship with yourself would be if you appreciated the quirks, the “lazy” moments and even the off the wall habits and ideas you have with more curiosity and grace.
All of those things are in your life for a reason, so why not cherish them and make them something you appreciate, leverage and value in yourself?
And what about that annoying habit your kids, partner, friends and coworkers have?
Maybe the annoying part of that thing they do is actually a gift for you.
Maybe there is a lesson on tolerance, or a moment to learn about a different perspective or way of operating.
Is that behavior lazy or genius?
Is it blunt?…
…or in fact kind and direct?
Wishing everyone to be just like us is an ineffective mindset that leads nowhere.
Wishing we were identical to others is equally foolish.
I learned a lot about this on my recent retreat in Costa Rica where I did plant medicine.
And the way the lesson came to me was abrupt and valuable.
When I first arrived in Costa Rica to begin my journey with Mother Ayahuasca I was told that she can be very confrontational (in a good way).
And this was definitely true for me and so many other guests at Rythmia.
Day one I noticed another person there who quickly triggered my desire to control the situation.
Here I thought I’d dealt with my control issues, but apparently there was another layer to heal and resolve.
This person was (in my limited view day one):
- Cutting in front of others
- Bossy and loud
- Disrupting the process
The first night of ceremony as the medicine worked in me, I understood that this person at the event was there to teach me about my own unhealthy control issues.
There have been times where I felt the need to control what my siblings were doing.
And more recently there have been times where I felt the need to control what my partner felt, how my kids behaved and other apparently “small” things in people around me.
As I sat with this realization I was able to understand that these desires were all my problems.
My need to control came from insecurity and from past trauma.
Once I understood that, I was able to change my perspective on the person at the event who I had allowed to trigger these feelings in me.
I saw them for who they really were.
Someone who was passionate (and maybe even desperate) for healing and change in their own life.
Those are admirable qualities in my view. Being they focused on healing is a good thing.
I was also able to update my perspective and behavior as it related to those in my own life.
For a season we may need to intervene or even control at some level the things our kids do.
But very quickly, they become independent and able to effectively make their own decisions.
And when I was trying to control how my partner felt or those around me, it did come from good intentions.
But it’s ineffective to try and make someone else’s experience what you think it should be.
They are going to have their own experience. That is the truth of this earthly experience, so we cannot control that.
Instead, I’ve decided to walk along side those I love and care about.
Offering them support, listening to them talk out their thoughts, and being a strong and kind friend is vastly more effective than trying to control things for them.
That was one of the first and most valuable lessons I learned while on the medicine.
What do you think? Have you ever tried to control someone or a situation that was outside your control?
Let me know what you learned from that experience.
To your awakening and success,
Gabe